By the time you read this, chances are I’m already at home on my second glass of wine watching a marathon of movies including Titanic, The Notebook, Waiting to Exhale & Brown Sugar. I’ve probably also already eaten half a box of See’s Candies rum nougat’s and am actively deactivating my Facebook and Instagram for the night to prevent myself from seething with envy at all the “happy couples” snapping photos of flowers and expensive dinners and gifts, because today is what I affectionately refer to as “Singles Awareness Day”.
It is the one day of the year that all of my friends and their significant others are on my hit list and I ban all communication from any and everyone happily coupled up.
The day where “love” become a curse word to my lips and pink is the ugliest color I’ve ever encountered.
Now clearly y’all can sense that I’m feeling some type of way about this day.
Presently, I have never, I’ll repeat that, NEVER, been taken out on a date for Valentines Day and I am quiet the bitter bird. Sadly, the only thing I’ve ever received on this glorious day is pity from my parents, resulting in the box of See’s Candy I previously mentioned, and a hangover from drinking the night before. Every year my dear sweet mother, in a effort to suppress my loathing, hands me the sugary box of candy on her way out to a disgustingly cute preplanned date night with my stepdad while I’m stuck at home moping, questioning Cupid and his very obviously bad aim.
Like with most lonely days, I tell myself “one day”. “One day” someone will take me out on a romantic date for a day that was made-up by Hallmark because they needed a holiday to fill their February quota and sending “Happy Martin Luther King Day” cards just wasn’t in their marketing strategy.
Or “one day” someone will take me out on a romantic dinner that will probably be to a restaurant filled to capacity with other couples and overworked and rude waitresses who probably hate us all, and then end the subpar night by coming home to pay him back for said dinner with some nookie.
Either way, today ain’t that “one day”, so instead I eat my weight in chocolate (the only other acceptable time to do that is Halloween so I relish in this), drink my nice bottles (yes, plural) of wine and sing “My Heart Will Go On” through drunken tears as Rose lets go of Jack’s frozen ass hand.
God, I can already tell this gonna be a loooong night.
Happy Singleton's Day!