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How to Lose Boyfriends and Alienate People

How to Lose Boyfriends and Alienate People

I wish I could write that I’ve been on sabbatical. That I stopped writing to live life and unchain myself from the expectations that internet “life” (if we’re using that term - loosely) can have.

But I haven’t.

I made the bold proclamation that “I am Not Your Girlfriend” and then promptly rolled my ass into a relationship.

I make no excuses, I can be a lying liar.

And everything after that that I began to write felt like I was perpetrating a fraud.

Something just was off.

I want to be the ‘have it all’ woman - my journey to that though, it continues to look nothing like what I anticipated.

I can’t teach you how to be lucky in love. I just can’t.

I am bad at this shit. (Stories to come).

I can teach you how to lose boyfriends and alienate people, though.

Potential suitors; friends with benefits; would be boyfriends; I can show you how to next them like a low budget version of The Bachelorette.

That sounds bad, but follow me here.

I found that the “all” I was looking for might not be what I thought it was. I tried putting my “all” into a relationship again only to be reminded that it better served me when I put it “all” into me.

I’m finding there’s more work in trying to use others as mirrors instead of self-reflecting with the one person you can’t lie to - you.

I’ve also established for myself that I make the rules.

I mean, who defined happiness as marriage? Who taught me that long term commitment only looks one way? Who says I have to live with you if I love you? Who really defined those ideals.

If you ask yourself these questions and the conventional doesn’t feel right in your spirit, throws off your chi - whatever - then pull up a chair sister. You’ve found a kindred spirit.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still got a boyfriend somewhere around here. Where that goes is indeterminate. I’m okay with that. I am also okay with the reality that if at some point we outpace each other, well, cest la vie.

I still stand behind everything I wrote. The beautiful fact of life is if you’ve stopped growing and changing, there’s a strong probability you might be dead. If you’re looking for Suzy Homemaker, intent on granting your every domestic wish and completing you, you should just move along. I am not the woman for you.

I am a badass with a pink bedroom, no desire to decorate, an arsenal of heels which leave no room to share a closet, and ambition that far outweighs my capacity for compromise. And that’s okay. With the right person, you can be both a badass and a partner.

With the right person, you won’t have to compromise who you are.

Choose you first, sis.

Sincerely,

A lying liar.

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I Am Not Your Girlfriend