Be Your Own Damn Hero
I'm going to level here and say this has been hard to write.
There are times when life can make you feel like you're boxed into the corner.
I've recently found myself "awakened" from the "living in the corner" life.
Awakened from other's perceptions; my own unrealistic expectations; from an all out identity crisis - late 20s existential crises anyone?
I saw a quote a week ago that summed it up perfectly - "Be careful who you pretend to be, you may forget who you are."
I woke up in a life I didn't recognize and realized I had spent far more time concerned with being "good" or "right," instead of just being the best version of myself, whatever that meant. Not to be confused with doing the "right," or "good" things being wrong in some way... When they're truly the right things for you.
Instead I realized that there is no black and white; no yellow brick road to what and who I was supposed to be. The titles I've hung up like brass rings are now weights on my back. I should have been more careful about what I wished for, but you know what they say about hindsight and all...
I had let myself suffer on so many levels. Stifling stagnation had gotten a grip of me. Even as a blogger, I found myself feeling inadequate secondary to my imperfections. Too unwilling to push the boundaries anymore.
It took reading my own words to remind me that I never started this project to be perfect. I would be kidding myself on so many levels.
In fact I wrote it to encourage all the not so perfect people that there is in fact something to be said for what shakes out of the ashes when the fire is done.
No pressure, no diamond, babe.
For years, I (possibly like you) waited for someone to come and save me.
To see what I hid behind the scenes.
What I've learned is that the people around you can indeed see through the cracks. They know when you're not happy. They know when you're drowning. They know when you are suffocating behind your perfection mask.
The thing is, in some situations, they just can't throw you a God damn life raft.
In others, you just won't reach out and grab it.
If I'm honest, I thought I could tread the water alone. Swimming past every dock, every life raft and every float thrown my way. Until I got tired of the drowning.
And you know what happened when I did? I realized I'd been living life in the shallow end all along. I stood up and walked.
This is still one long ass walk. One that I'm still not fully prepared to blast loud and proud to the blogosphere. But I am no longer in the corner.
In being good; always trying to be right, I let go of one hell of a voice. I forgot I don't have to fight from the corner and live on the defense. I've finally come out swinging.
The truth is nor do you. Don't wait for your rescue. I can tell you firsthand that sometimes no one can hear your whispering cries. Sometimes you have to just be honest about the state of your life, even if it is only with yourself.
And then you get off the mat and be your own damn hero.