My new year's resolution for 2014 was to "take my cape off." Anyone who knows me personally knows I am ambitious to a fault, obsessive when I want something done, and committed beyond all rationality. I will spend nights, mornings, weekends, every waking moment being busy. I finally said "I am not killing myself this year." This year, for the first time in a long time, I began to think not only of what I need to do to get to "the top of the hill" so to speak, but I began to pray and think on what I want. For a new wife and mother of two little boys, this almost felt like a crime. But I've slowly rediscovered the things that make me happy (like writing!) The funny thing is, this caused some friction. I noticed there's a stigma in our society against taking good care of yourself, ESPECIALLY if you're a mother or a wife. Why? Because it signifies to others that you care more about yourself than your husband and your children and we've been indoctrinated as women since we were little girls to be nurturers, sacrifice, give until our last to protect our families.
I watched my mother be that type of woman. Though she was a great mother and gave me an awesome foundation, she has said to me now that all but one of her children is grown that she doesn't even know what she likes. Could you imagine being so wrapped up in caring for others for a quarter century that when the opportunity to do what you pleased presented itself, you couldn't even begin to fathom what it is you enjoy?
So I take care of myself. Yes, I have a husband, but he doesn't complete me... GASP! I complete me. I was whole when I got here. It's my responsibility to take care of my beloved one, that way I am in a position and a state of mind to provide for and nurture my children, my husband and my duties and responsibilities on a day to day basis without feeling utterly drained or resentful. Much to my surprise, I probably enlarged my cape this year, especially with the launch of ABDB, however, it's a labor of love. An ode to this life that I'm living and loving. I will proudly continue to be "Selfish."
*A friend posted the video above on facebook which I LOVED so I added it after I had written this post. Give it a watch!*