When I delivered Nelly, it was the closest thing to hell or dying I could ever imagine feeling. I swore that it had ruined any chance of ever even letting the thought of a third baby cross my mind.
Every year that followed pretty much cemented that sentiment. Being a working mommy and dealing with sleepless nights? No thanks. The potty training... pure torture. Baby proofing and playing guard dog when he got old enough to get into everything with no understanding of the concept of danger. Fun, right?
But over the last year - Nelly's third year - I have loved it so much I almost can't bare the thought of him getting any bigger, or never experiencing this again.
I've been looking at my little guy and wishing I could push pause.
What if three could last forever?
Life would forever be filled with magic. Not the cheesy plastic wand kind, but the bright, wide eyed, belief in endless possibilities and wonder kind. The kind that makes you believe a little yourself. The kind you wish you could bottle and put on a shelf.
Laughter would be never ending. Newborns cry. One year olds toddle around. And two year olds - well, they take a special kind of pleasure in the art of build and destroy as well as general mischief. But three year olds - they're just happy jolly people for the most part. Nelly laughs so loud and so hard, at just the perfect pitch that is simply contagious.
I would always have a sweet little hand to hold. And for every mother, this is self explanatory. There's nothing better than that hand pulling mine with a gleeful "Come on, Mom!" I'd follow him anywhere.
He would need me, just enough that I could watch him proudly, but still feel vital to his world.
Little things would always be enough. Cuddles and snuggles, singing songs and dancing, albeit off beat! They would always light up his life. And tickles would be enough to brighten up even his darkest days.
Nothing would be predictable... although that's pretty much the way it is forever when raising children!
He would fit in my arms forever...
And my life would never lack imagination.
Though this is mere fantasy, I am happy that I'm cognitive of the brevity of this moment of time. That I can savor the giggles, the tickles, the vivid ramblings of a mind not bogged down in the disappointments of life just yet.
If only three could last forever.